Meet my new BFF, Ming Wang!

As I prepare for this incredible conference in New York City, my head is spinning!

I don't want to pack my entire drawer full of capris and sleeveless tops knowing full well I only wore half of what I brought to Chicago. (Sorry Tim Gunn- I know you loathe capris, but with Tightwad laid off yet again, I am stuck with what I've got; five year-old capris.)

I've watched the tweets and twitpic's flying left and right about what people are wearing. Frankly, I get jealous and a bit miffed. I'm always tempted to post shots of myself naked - claiming that this is my outfit for the conference. However, I do know that the "powers that be" know who I am and where I live online, so I do practice a bit of restraint.

Yet I always wonder how it is that these well-known bloggers can receive free outfits, invites to lavish private parties, and cameras, etc. for these conferences. What do they do? How do they do it? Frankly, I'm so busy supporting my family, sharing embarrassing stories about my kids and cleaning up after my dogs, that I can barely keep my house clean. (No comments, Bitchy.)

Then, the impossible happened. I received an email.

"Hi, Vodkamom. I am Jack Smith from the PR firm of Smith&Wesson. We would like to know if you are attending the BlogHer conference in NYC in August. Please let us know right away!"

My reply? "HELL YES I AM!!!!!" (Which might have sealed my NO INVITE to the Nikon party, but we'll never know.)

A week or so went by, and I forgot about the email - and then I received another. "Ming Wangwould like to send you an outfit to wear to the conference. Please go to this link, choose what you like and send us the information. We will make sure you receive it before the conference."

what? WHAT???? SHE is sending ME an outfit? I had to read the email a few hundred times, before I finally decided it was legit.

And yes, I followed the directions. Three days later, voila.

Of course, I'll be wearing it to every party I attend (except the NIKON party, of course) so if you see me on the last night of the conference and we start chatting, you might not want to stand too close.

And the fact that there are no bottoms? It's a good thing I shaved.

(And don't be jealous. My hair is WAY TOO SHORT- so we're even.)

Good Deeds by the Dozen. (aka How to fight the blues.)

Clearly my guardian angel has plans for me. Do they include making a billion dollars? Do they include, perhaps, being able to pay my power bill and mortgage payment in the SAME MONTH? I’m not sure.

Isn’t it enough that I supposedly spent my previous several lives in a monastary? (Which, frankly, I’m beginning to question. And, hello, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to perhaps throw in a Prada, or Coach bag or two. )

Just when I thought that working with five-year olds daily was my "do-good for life" payment, she went and threw me another great opportunity.

Some special people have reached out to me to participate in a “Do Good Day” project. It's called "77 Kids 'Do Good' Day". To put it simply, I received a package in the mail that contained various items that would help in our efforts to perform some random acts of kindness in my community. And 77 of lots of things.

I fell in love with the idea.

Random acts of kindness - they make the world go round, people. I love them even MORE when they are anonymous. I perform them as often as I can, in little ways, and I don’t like to shout about it - as I know many of you do, to. (Except perhaps the two previous posts- but that was different. J)

I asked Golden Boy and several of the neighborhood boys that have been eating me out of house and HOME if they wanted to help me out with this. I suggested going to one of our local retirement communities, and filling the meters downtown with quarters. You know what they ALL said?

“Sure!”

I explained AGAIN what we were doing, in English, very slowly, and they STILL said yes. (Now, whoever replaced this kids with other people, speak now or forever hold your peace.)

So today, armed with bushels of flowers, notes of well wishes, rolls and rolls of quarters, and the hope that I’ve planted a seed in some young boys’ hearts, we head out on our mission of goodwill. We will visit a local retirement community - where Sassy works serving in the dining hall; and then head downtown to fill meters and hand flowers and warm wishes to students and neighbors.

Not only will the spirits of some members of this community be lifted, but so will ours.

So will ours, indeed.

Now get out there and do ONE nice thing today.

(I'll post pics ..this afternoon. Oh, the winner of the camera?? Unmitigated Me. However, had I KNOWN how much math was involved in adding comments for telling me funny stories, etc., I would have taken an advanced Algebra course before posting the *@&#^ contest. Despicable Me Contest is STILL ON!!)

The Dirty Dozen's (minus 8) Good Deeds.

I hustled the four boys into the car, along with five bouquets of flowers, the cards the boys had written, three rolls of quarters and a prayer that they had all showered and were wearing clean clothes for our Do Good Day mission. We were on the verge of running late as I had just finished with summer camp, and I wanted to tell them what I expected of them that afternoon.

"Okay, guys, when we get to the ChipNDale Retirement Community, and you are handing out the flowers, you could say..."

"Mom. MOM! I think we know how to talk."

"Well, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to give you some ideas, or.."

"We got it. We're not little kids. I think we know how to talk to people."

"Yeah. We can talk to people- even the elders!" I heard from the back seat.

And so it was on.

We arrived at the Village and were greeted by a lovely woman who welcomed us with gratitude. She walked us up the stairs towards the kitchen, where she suggested we begin rewarding the kitchen staff who work so hard every day.

The boys began handing out flowers to residents and visitors as we made our way down the hallway.

At first I gently gestured with my head towards people and they took the cues. Soon, they were approaching people and handing out the flowers - along with huge smiles, laughs and stickers. I noticed more than once that residents would reach out to hug whoever had handed them the flower, and each one returned every hug willingly and happily.

As we left the building, the boys were laughing and talking about what people said, how much fun it was and how easy it had been. As I watched them talking and laughing, I felt so proud. I was wiping my eyes as I thought about how this simple gesture meant so much to so many.

We made our way downtown and found a spot in the middle of a busy parking lot. The boys, pockets laden with quarters, made their way up and down rows of meters, whooping it up when they came upon one blinking that time had expired.

"We have saved SO MANY PEOPLE!" one of the shouted.

"Yeah, but they probably won't even know it!" another replied.

And at that moment I turned to see a police officer put his ticket-giver-outer into his holster and look in my direction. We started towards each other, and I had an inkling he wasn't happy. (Cue the shoot-out music.)

"You know, you really aren't supposed to feed all the meters." He said in a very stern tone.

Being the teacher, I replied, "Now, now. These boys are doing a service project, and learning a valuable lesson today. What would you have them do instead?"

"Well, to be honest, I work at the fire station as well. Here's the number. Next time they want to do a service project, have them come over and wash the engines for us." He smiled at me, glanced one more time at the lot, shook his head and turned to walk the other direction.

On the drive home the boys were talking a mile a minute, and those of you with a gaggle of boys around your house know what I mean. At one point someone said, "That was so so cool. Even getting busted by the COPS was cool!"

There were many amazing lessons learned today. The last one? Being good is almost as much fun as being bad.

When Despicable is Good.

It was last November and I was searching on-line for a recipe. You should know that I don't often search online for recipes. Frankly, I'm lucky to get the pasta in the water and the Ragu out of the jar in time for anyone who MIGHT be here to actually eat; and if I entered every on-line contest I came upon when searching the web, I would get even LESS done than I do now.

However, I had eaten delicious Italian Wedding Soup at a party, and decided that it was something I wanted to make. Hence, the search for the recipe.

I landed on the Cooking Light website and a box for a contest immediately popped up. I glanced at it quickly, and instinctively clicked on the close box. I proceeded to search the site, but I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind about that contest box. It was like an annoying itch that got worse and worse until I decided to get out of the website and go back again to see if I could enter the contest.

When I logged in this time, there was no box. I repeated several times - all with the same result. I closed up my computer and went about the business of dinner.

That nagging feeling, however, would not go away. It bothered me for several days, and I couldn't figure out why. I decided to go back to the website and as soon as I opened it - there was the box. I read it more carefully: "Win a $100 gift card - five given out monthly!" I laughed, thinking the odds were certainly horrible - but I filled it out just so that nagging feeling would go away. It was almost Christmas, I needed every penny I could get, so I finished it and forgot about it.

Two weeks later, guess what? I received the email from Cooking Light. I had won the $100 gift card! I replied several times to the person who emailed ME, asking if this was a joke, and had I REALLY won the card? Really? She assured me that yes, I had indeed won.

It was just another reminder to me that my guardian angel might, in fact, still like me.

I've had another nagging feeling of late, and it wasn't until today that I've figured out what to do about it.

I had an amazing offer from the people involved with Despicable Me. I am able to give away to TWO winners a prize pack that includes tee shirts, a hat, balloons, pencil with Minion top and a Moo-Can. Now who doesn't need a Moo-Can???

The issue to me became, how can I do this giveaway? What do I want? I couldn't think of anything. (Besides a book deal, a billion dollars, everyone to add money to the Paypal button, get me a thousand more followers, oh hell, I could go on and on.) However, I was really, in my heart, wondering if there was perhaps someone else that might need something.

As I began wondering who I could help, I was contacted by Kevin from Always Home and Uncool about an amazing opportunity to help the JM Foundation. They are in the running to receive an amazing amount of money for their cause. All that is needed is a vote. One little vote. Every single day, of course, but it's very painless and very worth your time.

So, in order to win this package from Despicable Me, you have to do one tiny thing.

Vote for Cure JM here.

Tweet about voting for Cure JM.

Oh, and if you BLOG about this contest, you get like a gazillion more entries.

If you vote daily, you can enter this contest daily. Easy as pie. I will close the contest on July something or other (July 31). Come back, let me know that you voted and tweeted - and you are entered again. I will do the RANDOMIZER - and I do not mean that I will throw your name off the deck and see which one lands in the dog poop. Last time I did that it was disgusting. And I had more than one winner. (What are the odds?)

So, do your good deed for the day and vote. It won't hurt a bit.

Long summer days, laughter and frozen Pop-Tarts!

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Pop Tarts.

During the summer months, many of the families in our tiny town of Smythe, Oregon, take their children to a place called Sawyer’s Dam. It’s only about 6 miles east of town, right off the main road. After you make the turn and follow the original wooden sign, you have to travel about a mile and a half through the deep woods (along a very muddy, rocky and windy dirt road) to the special spot.

It’s a public park, with plenty of picnic tables; a few pavilions; public restrooms; a small snack bar and some boats that are available for rent!

The most compelling feature of Sawyer’s Dam, of course, is the beautiful water and fake sandy beach! On a beautiful summer’s day, it’s not hard to imagine that you are just a breath away from heaven.

I was remember all those summers past when B, Sassy and Golden Boy would all invite friends and we would have weekly “meetings” at the damn. Last week when I packed the Boy up with several of his friends, I remember the one thing that has accompanied us for these last 15 years of summer fun.

Frozen Pop-Tarts. I am not kidding!

A friend that I teach with here at Smythe Elementary School introduced me to frozen Pop-Tarts. She had spied our pantry shelves on day when we had arranged a play date for the kids.

“We love Pop-Tarts, too!” she said, “But we love to freeze them!”

Well, I’ve been doing it ever since, and taking them in a cooler with us when we make our treks to the Sawyer’s Dam.

So this summer, as I volunteer to drive the kids to the Dam for what will probably be the last season that I’ll be needed, I will remember the frozen Cherry Pop-Tarts for the Jack and Sam, and the frozen Brown Sugar Cinnamon for The Golden Boy.

And the smiles on their faces as they open the cooler and dig in? It takes my breath away every single time.

What’s one of your family’s Pop-Tart summer activities? Go over to BlogHer and share for YOUR chance to win a $100 gift card.

Now, where’s that cooler?

Pop-Tarts pop into the classroom!

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Pop Tarts.

The kids were overjoyed when Frank brought in the snack last week. “Pop-Tarts!” they all yelled in unison. “We LOVE Pop-Tarts!”

It’s the little things that make five and six year olds happy; and things that have even the TINIEST hint of sugar are one of them.

“Do you know why they call them Pop-Tarts, Mrs. Smythe?” asked Susie. “Because when they’re done warming up, they POP out of the toaster!” And with a big grin she bit right into the Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tart that she held lovingly.

“I think Pop-Tarts are so healthy and a great snack because they have a healthy crust! That’s the healthy PART.” Michael shouted to me, shooting a mouthful of healthy crusty crumbs across the table as he spoke.

“Mrs. Smythe, do you think you could make a sandwich out of Pop-Tarts? I mean, you could put a Pop-Tart on one side, and then lettuce and turkey and cheese and ANOTHER Pop-Tart and eat it!” Jenny said enthusiastically!

The discussion about Pop-Tarts had me laughing all night, and it made me wonder about what we COULD do with Pop-Tarts and a little imagination.

Tightwad and The Golden Boy were on cloud nine when we received a shipment of Pop-Tarts in the mail to sample. In their hearts and minds, Pop-Tart is one of the MAJOR food groups.

“Mom, you know you can have them for breakfast, a snack, or lunch or a snack, or after DINNER for a snack. You KNOW they work anytime.” We decided to try to come up with something awesome for our annual Fourth of July party, and I was to experiment with them.(Pretty brilliant on THEIR part, I might add.)

After discussing the various possibilities with my two “boys” and the enthusiastic children at snack time, I was convinced I had to try my own experiment. There were many recipes for me to think about, but on the advice of Alec the boy wonder, I made “Alec’s Pop-Tart Sandwiches.”However, I used my own twist.

I started with two of the Vanilla Ice Cream Shoppe Pastries, put some softened vanilla ice cream between them, and put them in the freezer overnight. The next day for an after dinner treat I took them out, cut them in half, and served them as an ice cream sandwich.

I am now considered not only the best mom in the world, but the all time dessert maker. I’m still waiting for my tiara.

Blogher is offering a great opportunity for you from Pop-Tarts! If you have a great idea, a recipe or simply a favorite flavor, let us know. This chance to win a $100 gift card is too good to pass up!

Even the teacher needs candy once in a while...

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Werther's.

The conversation started innocently enough when my little Sally stood in front of me and said, matter of factly,


"Mrs Smythe, I have an Aunt Megan. She is gonna have a baby!"

I replied with an enthusiastic smile, said, "You must be so excited to be getting a cousin!!"

"I sure am! And Mrs. Smythe, are YOU gonna have a baby? Cause your belly looks just like hers!!"



Fortunately I've been teaching for 20 years, so this little comment made me chuckle and smile, as I reassured my little Sally that I was NOT, in fact, going to be adding to my own family. Even though the comment didn't hurt my feelings, it DID make me think.

If this little darling noticed my tummy, then surely it was time to do something about it.

Oh sure, running around the school chasing, teaching and playing with 5 year-olds is certainly a form of activity, but obviously I needed something more.

I changed my eating habits (with the help of my nutrition/major daughter); started going to the gym, and replaced the chocolates I kept stashed in my teacher closet!

Anyone who works with children KNOWS that every teacher has a stash of chocolate. It's part of our survival kits, and is the FIRST thing we go for after the kids have left the room!!!

I was thrilled when I saw that Werther's had come up with a delicious, delicious alternative!!!! They've been making sugar free candy since 2004, but now have two new awesome flavors -Caramel Mint AND Caramel Coffee! You can find the different varieties here.

And now I DO get the pick me up I need, and have lost five pounds in the last three weeks.

I've cut back on portions, I am exercising more, I am drinking a lot of water, and I STILL get my treat at the end of the day.

So far, it's a winning combo. And I'll keep you posted on what Sally thinks by the end of the year. It better be good!!

Have you tried them? Let me know which flavor is YOUR favorite!

This is a compensated review by BlogHer and Werther's.